The past couple of weeks, I have noticed I’m starting to settle back in at church. I guess being away had more impact that I was expecting. And a situation that was upsetting me is kind of over now and I can move on. Someone who seemed to have it “in” for me has changed their tune and we’re getting along a lot better now as well.

All in all, I’m no longer having panic attacks at the thought of going to church. Always a good thing. And I’m not going home in tears. Also a good thing.

A couple of Sundays ago, God did remind me that church is more about me and HIM than it is about anything else. I think that has also helped.

Unfortunately I’m a bit over-tired and snappy at the moment. I bit someone’s head off during morning tea after church last Sunday. If I keep that up, no-one will want to talk to me!!! I have apologised. Not much else I can really do. *sigh*

It always fascinates me watching Christians who end up in the spotlight.

Stan never made a secret of the fact that he was a Christian throughout his Australian Idol journey. He even went so far as to sing an evangelical version of Amazing Grace. It was beautiful!

The judges respected his stance.

Obviously the Australian public has also respected his beliefs.

Because he was voted Australian Idol for 2009.

Go Australia.

Go Stan.

And Go God!!!

My apologies for a lack of posting. I’m kinda struggling at the moment. Struggling to blog. Struggling full stop.

Getting back to “reality” after our trip hasn’t been easy.

I’m not sure who I am or where I fit right now.

Life is hectic and I’m having trouble keeping up.

My body and brain don’t really want to keep up with my “will” to achieve.

Church is an even bigger struggle.

I’m actually getting very close to a panic attack the night before I have to go there.

I don’t get it.

I don’t really know why.

I just want to cry whenever I think of going to church.

Yeah, Christians struggle as much as anyone else does I think.

I guess the difference is that we’re not alone in it.

I don’t feel alone.

Although I’m not really sure what I feel right now.

Like running away I think.

But where would I go?

One of the great things about attending various churches is getting to hear and experience different worship styles and songs. One song that we encountered in a number of different congregations we really enjoyed. So, when we went to Koorong in Adelaide on our way home, we found the song on a CD and purchased it. We’d like to introduce it to our home church some time. Anyway, I thought I’d share it with you.

I think one of the things God is trying to teach us on this trip is the concept of taking things a day at a time.  It’s not something I’m very good at.  I like things to be well planned out and to run to MY schedule.  I’m not very good at being flexible and “going with the flow”.

It’s something we’re trying hard to do while we’re away.  Things crop up and you kind of have to just “go with it” or you end up tying yourselves up in knots.

When Steve hurt his back, this verse kept running through my mind:

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  Matthew 6: 34

We had no choice but to take each day as it came, not knowing how much he’d be able to do or whether or not we could even travel.

There was a certain freedom in that – having to take things one day at a time.

And you know what?

God was faithful each and every day!

We got where we needed to be.  We were able to get help when we needed it.  The kids stepped up and were helpful.

I’m not saying I didn’t have my moments.  At one stage I was so freaked out about being stuck in the middle of nowhere with a crippled husband and 3 kids to take care of that I broke down.

But through it all, God’s presence was very real.

Most of this trip we’re planning and working out as we go.  At times it has been overwhelming trying to find things we want/need and trying to make decisions about what things to see and do.  But through it all, God has been totally faithful.  We have been blessed in so many ways through this trip.  Every step we take, we can feel God’s guiding hand.  It’s been an interesting and very blessed experience so far.

Let’s hope it really does help me with my quest to do better at taking things “one day at a time”.

Dear Lord,  Thank you so much for the blessings you have given us today and every day.  May we walk closer with you each day and see your hand in everything you do.  Thank you that you are faithful in your promises to lead and guide us and provide for our needs.  Amen.

We chose to worship with Dubbo Baptist Church today (a note for my international readers – I’m not sure Australian Baptists are the same as the US Baptists although I’m not all that sure how it all works).

It’s hard when you are in a strange town to know the best place to go for worship, particularly with young children.

I was quite surprised at how many of the church people assumed we were “new” rather than “visiting”.  I had assumed that given this town has a large tourism trade, that “visitors” would be quite common.  Perhaps not.

I was really looking forward to experiencing worship in another church.  Not because I have any desire to leave our own church family, but because I think it helps to spread the wings a bit and experience things the way others do them.

For instance, this morning this particular church had their children do a presentation on what they had been learning in their children’s program.  It was lovely and something we don’t tend to do in our church.  Not that we don’t involve our children in a lot of ways but it could be a good extension for our children to actually share a little of what they’ve done from time to time.

It’s also good to attend worship from a visitors point of view to really understand how much of a “culture” our worship services can be.  We found the people very welcoming when we arrived.  However, when it came time for the kids to leave the service for their own program, not 1 person offered for our children to go.  They also mentioned some activity books for kids and for a while, I didn’t think anyone was going to offer our children one of those either.  Eventually a lady did think to bring them a book and some pencils.  Just little things but so important when it comes to caring for those not familiar with the regular run of things.

We did really enjoy our time with them and the sermon was interesting and challenging.  I hadn’t ever really clicked that the church in Corinth was having trouble with people teaching that speaking in tongues was a sign of spirituality.  Isn’t it interesting how the church today can easily make the same mistakes that have occurred throughout history.  I have no problem with people operating in the gift of tongues but I DO take issue with people saying you’re not a Christian if you don’t speak in tongues. 

I also really enjoyed the way the preacher worked his way through the bible passage he was preaching from.  Sometimes you’ll listen to a sermon and wonder if they’re going to refer to the Scripture at all.

All in all, we had a lovely experience for our first “church on the road”.  The kids sat well and I was quite happy for them to be in for the entire service (I don’t think it hurts kids to learn to sit and listen).  We didn’t hang around to chat afterward though as the kids were getting pretty hungry by then.

I was just in my 8 year old daughter’s room stripping her bed to wash her sheets and I found a sheet of paper on her bed.

Here’s what it says:

Kids Talk

1.  Read book

“now Like in that book tell me some things that God might help you with things but he might do something that you don’t want to happen before he does what you want”

I’ve typed that pretty much verbatim so it doesn’t 100% make sense but I’m sure you get the gist.

The past few weeks it has been my turn to do the children’s talk at church.  I guess I underestimated how much what they see us DO has an impact on our kids.

I often beat myself up about those things that we don’t do with our kids.  We’re not all that good at having a regular family devotion time or praying with our children each night.  I’m not saying those things aren’t important.  Just admitting that I don’t *do* them very well.

So, it’s nice to be reminded that how we LIVE our lives every moment of the day is what can really have an impact on our children.

You can tell children things until you are blue in the face but what they see you do is what is going to have the most impact.

I find that thought both encouraging AND daunting.

I remember as a teen, my mum sharing this story with me.  Her and God were having a discussion one time.  She was asking God about something and his response was something along the lines of “you don’t want to know”.  For some time she insisted until eventually God told her what she wanted to know.  Her response?  “You were right God, I didn’t want to know”.

Sometimes it’s a very good thing that God doesn’t tell us too much about our future.  When we’re not ready for it, I think we’re better off not knowing.

At the moment, I’m wondering what God  has in store for us with this “big trip” we’re about to embark on.  I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it here before but for those who don’t read my regular blog, we’re taking our children away in the caravan for 14 weeks.  It’s something I’ve felt to the very core of my being, that God wants us to do.  I’m not sure exactly why but I’m more than happy to “oblige”. 

For a long time, I wondered if this was going to be a new start for us.  Farming life hasn’t exactly been easy for us.  There have been financial hardships and some horrible family conflicts.  At one point in during my illness, I was literally begging my husband to take me away from here.  I didn’t feel I could bear another minute.  My sobbing was so heavy that I broke many blood vessels in my face.

It’s been a difficult journey for us.  Many moments of anguish, tears, fears and crying out to God to show us the way through.  Should we stay?  Should we go?  Should we build our own home (without any idea how we would actually PAY for it) and at least get ourselves out of a volatile and controlling situation we were living in.

I WANTED God to say “go”.

I wanted it so badly.

We came to an understanding that we could only be controlled if we allowed someone to control us.  That gave us a certain amount of freedom within.  But didn’t free us from the conflict and struggles we were living with on a daily basis.

Just when we felt we’d gotten life to a point we could actually live with, we felt God was prompting us to make room for DH’s brother to come home.

That didn’t come without significant sacrifice on our part.

And the conflicts escalated.

And the struggle for DH to spend more time with his family rather than less seemed to become more complicated.

It didn’t seem fair.

Why was God taking away what little tranquility we had struggled to find?

Over time, things improved a little.  Actually, I’m not sure they improved but we ended up moving our family out from the centre of them.

Into the house we live in now.

God said “I will provide the finances for your home”.  I remember lying in the bath one night struggling with the number of homeless people the money for our home could provide.  God clearly spoke to my heart: “Don’t you think I have enough for both?”

I can testify that God has been faithful in our finances.  The year we moved here was the worst financial year we’ve had in our farming lives.  The years since haven’t been a lot better.

And yet our house is fully paid for.

I’d like to share with you how that happened but to be honest, I’m not 100% sure.  Yes, we’ve been careful with our spending.  Yes, we sold some investments we had felt led to buy when farming was doing well.  But I believe that the bottom line in our finances is a pure miracle.  Unexplainable by human logic.

If God had told me that we were going to go through many years of drought and poor profits on the farm, we’d have never built this house.  How could we in good logic even attempt something like that?  But God knew the bigger picture.  He is in control and He isn’t reliant on the seasons to bring his plans to fruition.

I know I’ve shared with you before about my anguish when DH’s brother left farming late last year.  We had felt God prompt us to get him into farming.  I felt responsible.  But I don’t know the complete picture.  All I can do is trust God to lead me in the way He wants me to go.  The rest is up to Him.  I may not ever know the reason DH’s brother was meant to be here for the 5 years he was.

There was more than guilt though.  There was jealousy.  My brother in law and his wife prayed fervently for God’s leading in whether they were to stay or go.  They felt God was saying to go.  Why hadn’t God told us we could go?  I wanted go too!!!!  It wasn’t fair!!!!  Hadn’t we struggled and suffered enough?

Through all of this, the light on the horizon was our plan to do a “big trip” with our kids.  Much as I wanted to do the trip for the experience and the family bonding, there was this secret hope harboured in the depths of my heart that it might provide our ticket out of here.  That God would show us something else he wanted us to do.

A few months ago, DH and I were talking and praying as we drove along in the car.  I couldn’t get over the fact that God had taken his brother out of this situation and that we were still here.  God gave me the revelation that what he had in store for us was GOOD.  The future was something we could look forward to with hope.

I wondered if perhaps it had to do with our “big trip”.  Maybe God was going to show us where he wanted us to be.  And that place would be anywhere but here.

We do believe that this trip is something God wants us to do.  It isn’t something I ever thought I would get my farming husband to agree to.  And yet one day he went from “it’s a nice idea” to “we’re doing this”.  Getting away from the farm is no easy task.  It has taken years of planning and preparation.

Some things have fallen into place in a way that could only be divine intervention.  There have been other things that have been a real struggle or sacrifice.  An indication that Satan really doesn’t want us to do this trip.

We’ve experienced another miracle in our finances.  When we ordered our caravan, we had a deposit saved up and were hopeful of a good harvest (finally) that would help us pay for it.  Over the decade we’d been planning, I’d managed to save the money for our trip – a bit at a time.  We decided that rather than get a loan for the caravan, we’d use that money to pay for it and redraw it when the time came for the trip.

Last week, DH and I were discussing finances for the trip.  I was showing him what money we had and he was “where did that come from?”  I flicked back and forth through the pages of my book.  We have a separate account for savings and I keep track of what is what in an exercise book.  “Well, umm…there’s…ummm…”  Eventually I had to concede that I couldn’t really explain where the money had come from.  A bit here and there.  Some money the government has been freely handing out in recent months (which I’m sure putting back into tourism will be a great way to stimulate the economy).

We were looking down the barrel of yet another miracle.  There’s no other way to explain it.

Another confirmation that God wants us to do this trip.

I don’t know what God has in store for us with this trip.  I am no longer desperate for Him to use it as a way to get us out of here.  In fact, I feel quite at peace with the thought of coming home.

I do know that He has good things in store for us.  I believe that he’ll use it as a growing and bonding time.  What else is anybody’s guess.

I think for now though, I’m quite happy NOT knowing. 

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will isten to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  Jeremiah 29:11-13

Dear Lord,

Thank you that you know everything about us.  You know the struggles we face and the joys we experience.  You are with us in everything we do and for that my heart rejoices.  Thank you that your plans for us are to give us a hope and a future.  Thank you that even through the struggles, you are victorious and nothing is wasted.  Please take my life and make it yours.  Direct my paths in the way you would have me go and use me to bring glory to you.  Amen.

The internet is such an awesome resource for printables for kids.  In preparation for the big trip we are about to undertake, I’ve been searching online for some bible puzzles and worksheets to make a booklet for the kids to do in the car.

Some sites I found require payment while others are free.  While I don’t think it’s unreasonable that people want to be paid for the time and effort they put into creating these, I particularly appreciate those who are prepared to offer such resources for free as a ministry.

They say that links are the currency of the internet so I thought it might be a token “thank you” gesture, to link to those sites I’ve been using.  Plus, of course, pass on the information in case any of you can make use of them as well. 

Christian Preschool Printables

Calvary Kids Pages

Bible Activity Worksheets

Train Up Children – Old Testament Worksheets

Train Up Children – New Testament Worksheets

Bible Puzzles For Kids

Teacher Help

Sermons4Kids

Bible Wordgames

If you know of other sites offering free printable bible activity sheets for kids, I’d love to hear about them.

I don’t consider myself a very hospitable person.

It’s not that I don’t WANT to be.  It’s just not something that come easy for me.

Perhaps in part because I’m not very flexible?  I don’t think well on the spot and don’t cope with things changing unexpectedly.

If I’m having people over, I need to plan well so that most things are done before they arrive.  That way I don’t panic over any disasters.  Okay, I do panic but no-one is there to see me.

So, last night, when we had 5 people land on our doorstep with car trouble, I was surprised with how well I coped.

I do like looking after people in need so I guess you could call that “hospitable”.  As I think more about it, I guess there are different types of gifting when it comes to being hospitable.

What did surprise me was how low their expectations were from strangers.

I can understand that they didn’t want to intrude.  But it was getting late.  It was COLD.  It was even raining some of the time.

They initially turned down my offer to make some pumpkin soup but I went ahead and made it anyway.  I think it went down well. 

Steve lit a fire down near the road so they could keep warm while waiting for the mechanic and while the mechanic was working.  He also jacked the car up while it was still daylight to make it easier when the RAA got there.

To us, just small things that one would do for anyone in need of a hand.

As I went about making the pumpkin soup, I prayed that God would somehow use this situation to show His love.  I don’t know what will come of it if anything but I couldn’t help but be reminded of  “whenever you did it for the least of these, you did it for me”.

At the end of the day, what struck me the most was the way God gave me what I needed to do at the time.  I had the energy and clarity of mind to manage in a host role.  I even had pumpkin in the fridge AND thought of it.  Not something I’d usually come up with on the spot.

I found it to be an absolute privilege to help another in need in this way.  I guess that’s what true hospitality is all about.  The attitude that it’s a privilege to serve another (particularly in a time of need) rather than a chore.

I hope it’s an attitude I can do better with in the future.